The earliest I remember being in church was when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I was baptized when I was 11 years old, though to be honest, I can’t even remember it. After this, I never really knew God. I knew he existed, but that’s all I knew. I attended church with my parents and sister but stopped going after I was out of high school. I didn’t want to “waste” my day off from work by sitting in church. I was busy doing my own thing, and I always said that I would get right with God later. Over the course of a few years of having lost my sister and my dad to cancer, in 2009 my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I was very close to her. I never left home because I didn’t want to leave her by herself.
My other sister and I were forced to move her into a nursing home. From this time on my mother was never the same. She didn’t really know who I was. I walked into her room one Christmas Eve and she turned around and asked who I was. That made for a very hard Christmas. For the first time in my life, I was alone. I tried to cope with this change by trying to find someone to be around. That only led to date rape in 2010. In a couple of weeks after this, I would go to church and sit in the back rows, with tears streaming down my face. I wanted to reach out to someone but was too afraid and ashamed. One night I was lying in my bed, and I remember asking myself “Is this God’s way of trying to draw me back to him?”
I reconnected with my friend, Jeanne Mullen, at church. She was there waiting for me with open arms and has loved me with Christian love ever since. After I started coming back to church, I was getting curious about God. I would ask myself if he could love me too. I wanted to know more about him. After talking with the pastor, I was baptized shortly after. That following winter, I went through some more rough times. Not only was my family basically gone and I was left alone, but due to some circumstances, I had to move into an RV in Springtown TX at a trailer park where my sister was the manager. That was the worst winter I had ever had, but very memorable. It was the winter we had the huge snow storm. The trailer was so cold, had no heat in it, and so the pipes kept freezing so there was no water. I remember crying out to God and asking him how much longer I had to endure this? It wasn’t long after that God answered and things got better, for a short while. In 2011, my mother died. It struck me again that I was all alone. I battled deep depression and multiple suicide attempts over the next year. I didn’t know how I could make it without my mother. This past year I have finally really put my trust in God, leaning on Him to make it through rough times, and the good times.
Without God, I couldn’t do it. I can finally truly say that God has healed me. It took a lot for God to get my attention. Both my parents and my sister dying, and my life forever altered. But, God knew all this was going to happen, and he was there just waiting for me to run to Him. Now I fully understand the price that Jesus paid on that cross. The way I see it, my family had to die so that I could come to know God because if they had not, I would not have turned to God. I don’t know what God’s plan is, but I do know that He is not done yet. This past year has been a very happy year for me, the happiest I can remember in years. God has blessed me more than I could imagine. He blessed me with my little dog, Jack, the light of my life, three years ago, becoming closer to my other sister, gave me a warm and dry apartment, a chance to go to college to get an education, and now a wonderful job that I have been dreaming of having this past year.
Things are starting to come together, but only because of God and His miraculous ways. I know that life won’t be perfect, there’s always going to be bumps in the road. But, putting my trust in God, keeping a close relationship with him by reading my Bible regularly, having faith that no matter what happens, He will always have a provision for me. He knows these little bumps will come up, but just put your trust in Jesus, he will make everything ok again, if you just have faith. All the glory to God!